selective perception and...russia?

I must admit that the title of this blog is a bit strange, but it completely encompasses my thoughts at this moment. I had the opportunity to travel to Bryansk, Russia about a month ago on a mission trip. I went with a ministry group that I have been a part of for the past two years. We had the opportunity to put on a youth summer camp and help launch a church plant. The opportunities we had to share the gospel were endless. I had an amazing time there. However, while I was there and upon my return I had a very hard time seeing the things that God did while we were there, at least, I had a much harder time than many of the other people that went on the trip. Why was this? Why did I have such a hard time believing that we accomplished any good? I could tell you how much fun I had and about the things that we as Christians consider obvious such as salvations, and other decisions. But for the life of me, I couldn't see specific ways of God moving. This was clearly pointed out to me this past Sunday morning. My brother, who went with us, and I had the opportunity to share with my parent's church about the trip. One of my best friends, Liz Powell who also went on the trip, did the presentation with us. During my speaking time I recalled the basics of the trip. My brother had the opportunity to share about specific students that we got to pour into. Then it was Liz's turn. She recalled something that one of the leaders of the new church told us. Luba, the sister in-law of the new pastor, shared her heart with us on the last night of the trip. She told us about a trip that she and the group took to the Ukraine to a Hillsong conference. She described it as "the most spiritually moving experience our group has ever been a part of." She went on to talk about how she had, since that moment, prayed that they would experience something like that in Bryansk. She then told us that that dream had been realized during our trip. Wow! What an amazing act of renewal in the hearts of the people there. However, I didn't even remember this story until Liz told it! I was heart-broken. Why didn't I remember such a monumental story? I think there are two reasons.

The trip to Russia occurred at an interesting time in my life. God had ended a year long relationship that I had held onto very tightly. It was an idol in my life that caused a lot of heartache (which is why God ended it for me, because I wouldn't do it myself). I had thought that the trip would help to heal and renew my heart and my relationship with Christ. The trip had helped tremendously to do this. However, that's all that I had truly looked for, its all I wanted out of the trip. This broke my heart, because I had also felt that the trip had broken a lot of my pride and fostered a deep love for other people. I didn't just feel those things they truly took place! So why did I only care about what God did in my own heart? Simply: I am prideful. When it comes to the end of the story the only person that I truly care about is myself. I can love others very deeply, but when the last page turns the only word there is I. Its not just me either. The culture I grew up in is so self-centered that it has become numb to it. So what's the solution to this problem? Scripture tells us that only God can open "the eyes of our heart." Only God can truly show us how self-centered we are and help us to become more centered on him. Pray. Ask the Lord to expose your true heart and repent of your sin. That's the solution to most of our problems. Why else did I have trouble remembering Liz's story?

I hold to a theology that is extremely God focused. As evidenced above that doesn't mean that my own heart is, but it is what I strive for. I believe (and Scripture claims) that God is the only person who can truly do anything spiritually significant. There are so many people who claim to "do great things for God." When kids are saved at a DNOW, the teacher that is with them all week is given the credit for "leading them to the Lord." It leaves little room for the Lord to receive credit. It's almost as if the teacher is the hero of the story and God is the peon who saves the kid from eternal damnation and hell. At least, thats how the inflection in people's voice lead me to believe. I think that the Bible would rebut this. The teacher is the peon and God is the hero of the story. Christ died on the cross for that student's sin, not the teacher. So why don't we hear "God in his mercy saved him last night!" instead of "So and So lead little Billy to the Lord last night." In my attempt to avoid this situation in my own life, I tend to downplay every spiritual experience that happens in which I am involved. This is just as dangerous as what I have described above. I want to avoid anybody perceiving me taking credit for a spiritual movement. However, I have realized in my attempt to do this I have also downplayed what God has done in the lives of others. Therefore, I must not forget or downplay the events that happen, but I must magnify that it was God who did the moving and not me.

So, now what's left? What is there to do now? I will pray that the Lord will remind me of the things that he did on my trip. I'll pray that the Lord will open my eyes to his movement and his goodness in Russia. Then, I will write about what HE did here.


-Justin

P.S. I will include pictures from the trip in later posts!